Hello again, lovely blog! I think no one reads my blog now haha, that's why I only say Hi to my blog instead of my readers.



I have had such a difficult and stressful week. I have my pure maths mock on Tuesday and I did horribly. I am not saying this because I didn't have confidence or whatsoever but because I wasn't prepared AT ALL.

I am going to have my first AS paper on the 10th October and I am freaking out! We have like, 18 chapters to memories, which isn't so bad actually. But we have to write 3 essays in 1 and 1/2 hour, now, that IS scary shit. I usually take an hour to finish an essay!

And we have not finished our Literature syllabus. We JUST completed our short stories today and going to finish up our poems tomorrow. And then we have Equus and gonna move on to past year questions.

I know I should be worried about Maths because I only got like, 25/50 for Stats and I bet I am gonna get lower than 30 for pure maths. I have never done THAT horrible for any tests/exams. And everyone is Maths class is so smart and brilliant which makes me feel like an ultimate dumbass :( Thank god I have Jun Hoe haha. Best Maths buddy!

I also have intensive revision class almost EVERYDAY, until 6pm. It is so tiring and I feel so knackered and exhausted everytime I reach home. I slept before 12am in the past two nights because I was too tired to even move.

Right now, I am just going to focus on memorising English Legal System and also try to cope with Literature extra classes (because we will still have 3 classes per week even during our AS exams). Then, concentrate on Econs and Mathematics after Law papers. I am not that worried about Economics, I don't know why, it is not that I am super brilliant at it. I'd like to think that I am just mediocre at every subject, which is sort of depressing. I know I did badly for all my maths quiz and tests but I just need more time to practise more.

Alright, done ranting! I have to go and prepare for my poem presentation tomorrow because I have a selfish and self-centered team mate who wants to do the easier poem. Hmph.

And I have to go to Pavillion tomorrow to get Ally's present and rush to IOI Boulevard for her birthday dinner tomorrow night. Long and busy day ahead!

Hello blog! It's 7:05am now. I have been awake since 4:23am because I went to bed at 12am, many thanks to the massive headache. It feels so weird seeing the skies turn from pitch-black to dawn. It was just like seeing sunrise from my room.

So you know how random thoughts always gush through your head at the oddest time?  I have been thinking about 2011. It is such a shit year, to be honest. I spent the first two months working, slacked for another month then started college. College turns out to be shit as well. Not my ideal type of college, although I have met some really lovely people.

Then, you meet new people in life. Some stay, some leave, some hurt you and walk away. I suppose I just have to accept the fact that people do drift apart. May, June and July were pretty decent, albeit my slight depression in between. Things have gone terribly disastrous in August. So you meet assholes and bitches in life. They make your life worse. But I am going to rise up after getting knocked down by you and become even stronger and better. THEN YOU WILL REGRET.

I cannot wait for 2011 to end. I am going to make 2012 so much better. So hopefully I get into a decent university, do the course that I like and go to a new place, start over and meet new people.

At least I am mature enough to know that life still goes on and you have to forgive some people, forget some bitter memories and forward to a better future.

I shall go get ready for college. AS starts in less than 2 weeks!

Hello, dead blog.

I had the biggest silent emotional breakdown last night. I was utterly confused with my own emotions at that point. Rage, anger, disappointment etc. all jumbled up. You know the feelings you get when expectations turn into disappointment. I should have seen it coming but I was too wrapped up in my little bubble fantasy world.

I saw something on Facebook (heck, knew it wasn't a good idea to get a Facebook account!) and it hit me like a sucker punch. I was so overwhelmed by different sorts of emotions that just made me go speechless. Man, I did not even cry.

I tweeted this though: "So fucking pissed, raged, angry, speechless, devastated....shattered...and just...speechless." and this, "I fucking hate you. You fucking shameless hypocrite. Fuck off, for-fucking-ever.".

I guess I was really really really speechless at that moment.

I do not hate because of what happened, because of what I saw. I hate, because all the promises were just lies. Lies lies lies. Sheer bullshit. I hate the memories. I hate looking back at what I had. I hate having to build up a wall around me, again. I hate constantly pushing people away because I am never good enough for anyone. I HATE BEING FOREVER ALONE (this is a pure lulz). And I really hate, hating people.

Also, hate how I can't hold grudges at all and just forgive people so easily. Oh well, at least I am not as mean and cruel as someone. At least I care. At least I don't hurt people and walk away as if he/she fucking deserves that fucking harsh treatment. Sigh, do I even deserve this?

I never really hate anything/anyone though. I always go back to them, all the time. I always forgive poeple, all the time. I suppose that is why people give up on me so easily, ha-ha.

Oops, anger unleashed.

Oh well, life goes on.

And just in case you've forgotten my face.....


Sorry for the rant though! I have no one to talk to about this (well, I used to have) so I only have my lonely blog. I think we make a perfect pair haha :(