Sunday, October 16, 2011
My sister graduated from ACCA today!
That's it.
Life is still okay. Pulled through both AS Law papers and I still don't think that I did well enough to get an A so we shall see. Desperately hope that I will get decent results for the three remaining subjects so that I can drop Law for A2 without feeling guilty.
I have 16 days to prepare for the next 6 papers, with Lit classes in between. Gonna camp in the library until late night again.
I guess I just really really really want to finish A-levels and go to university.
/
Monday, October 3, 2011
Hello blog.
I went to KDU and Taylor's today and had the urge to punch their counsellors. I don't even want to talk about it anymore and I feel no shame for yelling at the middle-aged lady, for the reason that my tears were already rolling in my eyes.
I have never felt this uncertain about my future, my life but I am not going to change my mind again, not this time.
Mum actually ask me to consider of switching to another place after AS. At first, it sounded almost insane but now, I am actually thinking about it.
Sigh, all the insecurities and uncertainties. I don't even know what to hold on to anymore...
And I actually still discreetly have faith in someone and something. Perhaps my optimism is still there.
WHY AREN'T YOU HERE. WHY YOU LEFT. PRICK.
That's the inner angry me yelling.
Sigh, I just wish you'd fight, stay and wait
. That's the inner fragile me whispering.
Oh I am just fine and happy.
That's the Marilyn that everyone expects her to be.
/
Apart
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Hello October.
Surprising how time passes so fast and swiftly. This year has been horrendous, enough said.
You know how people annoy you to an extent where you don't even bother to communicate with them?
Yeah, exactly, cannot wait to leave.
This is probably the first time I get annoyed so much by things, people, surroundings.....just everything. I can't even explain why there is so much of hate inside me. I feel sickened by it, to be honest. I want the amiability back but I am not even making any effort. I just don't want to. That place is just not for me. Don't take me wrong. I love some of the people there. I've made some really lovely friends.
I honestly cannot wait for AS to be over. I cannot wait to suffer for the first six months of 2012 and get the hell out of there and hopefully (fingers crossed tightly) go somewhere new and nice.
I also hope no one finds out my blog. I have no one to tell my feelings to. I actually miss the old days (not so old, just few months back) where I had someone to say, "You have me." to me. Now, I only have my blog.
I need to and cannot wait to start fresh.
/
Saturday, October 1, 2011
当你问我最近还好吗，我真在不知道怎么回答。
我不能告诉你我的真实感受，因为我答应你要忘掉，不会赖着不放。但忘记一个人真的那么容易吗？
你还是原来那个你，只是多了她在身边。我还是原来那个我，只是多了一个伤口。
想要恨你，却没有那个能力。
一想起你，生活突然变得空荡。
我懂, 不用担心太多，我会好好过。
/
Marilyn
