Hello, dead blog.

I had the biggest silent emotional breakdown last night. I was utterly confused with my own emotions at that point. Rage, anger, disappointment etc. all jumbled up. You know the feelings you get when expectations turn into disappointment. I should have seen it coming but I was too wrapped up in my little bubble fantasy world.

I saw something on Facebook (heck, knew it wasn't a good idea to get a Facebook account!) and it hit me like a sucker punch. I was so overwhelmed by different sorts of emotions that just made me go speechless. Man, I did not even cry.

I tweeted this though: "So fucking pissed, raged, angry, speechless, devastated....shattered...and just...speechless." and this, "I fucking hate you. You fucking shameless hypocrite. Fuck off, for-fucking-ever.".

I guess I was really really really speechless at that moment.

I do not hate because of what happened, because of what I saw. I hate, because all the promises were just lies. Lies lies lies. Sheer bullshit. I hate the memories. I hate looking back at what I had. I hate having to build up a wall around me, again. I hate constantly pushing people away because I am never good enough for anyone. I HATE BEING FOREVER ALONE (this is a pure lulz). And I really hate, hating people.

Also, hate how I can't hold grudges at all and just forgive people so easily. Oh well, at least I am not as mean and cruel as someone. At least I care. At least I don't hurt people and walk away as if he/she fucking deserves that fucking harsh treatment. Sigh, do I even deserve this?

I never really hate anything/anyone though. I always go back to them, all the time. I always forgive poeple, all the time. I suppose that is why people give up on me so easily, ha-ha.

Oops, anger unleashed.

Oh well, life goes on.

And just in case you've forgotten my face.....


Sorry for the rant though! I have no one to talk to about this (well, I used to have) so I only have my lonely blog. I think we make a perfect pair haha :(