Hello blog.

I went to KDU and Taylor's today and had the urge to punch their counsellors. I don't even want to talk about it anymore and I feel no shame for yelling at the middle-aged lady, for the reason that my tears were already rolling in my eyes.

I have never felt this uncertain about my future, my life but I am not going to change my mind again, not this time.

Mum actually ask me to consider of switching to another place after AS. At first, it sounded almost insane but now, I am actually thinking about it.

Sigh, all the insecurities and uncertainties. I don't even know what to hold on to anymore...
And I actually still discreetly have faith in someone and something. Perhaps my optimism is still there. 

WHY AREN'T YOU HERE. WHY YOU LEFT. PRICK. That's the inner angry me yelling.
Sigh, I just wish you'd fight, stay and wait. That's the inner fragile me whispering.
Oh I am just fine and happy. That's the Marilyn that everyone expects her to be.